Hi, it’s good to see you…again.
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If we’ve been friends for a longggg time, you might know that I spent most of my teenage years writing many (random) stories on a personal blog before I moved to a website. Recently, there was a disaster that made me take a look back at the blog.
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OH… WAIT – I forgot!🙏 I should also welcome you if you’re new here.
Hi, welcome to this little ‘storage’ of mine!
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So, let me tell you again about this blog I mentioned. It’s a blog where I used to publish my personal thoughts and reflections (mostly in Indonesian), and believe it or not, I was SOOO freaking productive during senior high school and undergrad. But this was not something to be proud of, as I’m now too embarrassed to reread those ‘creepy’ pieces, like… what on earth was I even writing?!
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But, I don’t know why, that super-productively-random-stories unexpectedly invited some friends to give appreciation and support. One of them was my senior who runs a website hosting company. In 2019, he offered me help to develop the blog into a website. He helped me get this current domain and even supported the website’s regular payments for a while (please check his amazing work here!). In return, I helped him write a few articles for his company website.
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Since then, I’ve used the platform to document more of my random stories, although overtime the writing style has been improved (or at least, less creepy) compared to the old ones.
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But, not until… in the mid 2025, the disaster happened. I received a notification that the website was terminated. Apparently, I forgot to pay the biannual bill… and it’s already six months late! (how uncool it was – I know). At that time, I didn’t really understand what ‘termination’ means. I thought if I complete the payment, the website would be able to work as usual. But, after I contacted the customer service, they said that all the data on my website that kept all the archives between 2019-2025 was completely gone! and can never be restored…
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I could only grit my teeth when I found out about it. I asked my little bro who works at IT industry, and he helped me save few writings through web.archive.org (I’m planning to upload them again later). Well, I know it’s better than nothing… but, still sooo sad…
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This unpleasant experience brought my long-standing self-criticism to the surface: my tendency to forget things.
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My Forgetfulness
I’ve been aware of this weakness for a long time. My closest friends have been successfully (or, I must say, reluctantly) dealing with this scatterbrain personality.
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Oftentimes I make everyone around me panic, like when I leave a bag or a phone in public spaces. Other times, they got annoyed when I miss a meeting or an appointment because I thought it was scheduled for another day. Or when I confidently put something ‘somewhere obvious’, only to forget where that was. There are also awkward moments that only I seem to notice, like when I joined Subuh prayer congregation in the mosque and realised halfway through the prayer that I was on my period.
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Sometimes I feel frustrated with this tendency, and often criticise myself when it puts me in uncomfortable situations.
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As I’m getting older, I think it’s important to anticipate these kinds of situations, especially when they might affect others. Since senior high school, I’ve always kept a notebook to record my daily or weekly to-do lists. The format has been changing from time to time. Oftentimes I spend a lot of time drawing and decorating my planner, and then forget to complete the actual tasks I need to do :’) At the end of 2023, I started using what has been (so far) the most suitable format. It helps me a lot to navigate my daily tasks and activities, as well as manage my limited energy.
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However, I don’t strictly follow it either. Sometimes, the to-do list can be very overwhelming just to look at. At that time, I prefer just write few points on my phone in the morning before starting the day.
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Thinking again about my efforts to ‘anticipate’ my forgetfulness, I keep reminding myself of the importance of embracing my weaknesses. In the past (though I’m still learning even now), I tended to expect myself to do everything perfectly, that made it difficult for me to accept the fact that I have limits.
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However, over time, I’ve learned that there’s no end to pushing myself too hard. I have limits, and that’s a fact. The more I deny my own limits and weaknesses, the more situations I struggle with. It’s becoming clear that once I started recognising and embracing my weaknesses, I become better prepared to deal with whatever situation comes my way.
The Prayer from Moses
The story of the Prophet Moses might be one of the most reflective when I’m reminding myself of self-acceptance. At the time he had to confront Pharaoh, the ruthless ruler of ancient Egypt, Moses recognised that he might struggle to communicate what he meant. This Prophet might be well known for his physical strength, but oral speaking and personal communication were part of his challenges.
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That’s why, he sent a prayer to God that is narrated in Surah Taha in the Qur’an - a very popular prayer among muslims.
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Understanding his own limits, Moses asked Allah’s support by calming him with assurance, and to help him communicate easily and smoothly. In the next ayahs, he also prayed, “And appoint for me a minister [i.e., assistant] from my family, Aaron, my brother. Increase through him my strength and let him share my task. That we may exalt You much and remember You much. Indeed, You are of us ever Seeing.”
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Moses’ brother, Aaron, was often depicted as an eloquent speaker. It did make sense that Moses did believe in him as his helper in delivering the message to Pharaoh. And he could only do that after he recognised his limits.
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I learn from the story of Moses that by recognising our weaknesses and embracing our limits, we can understand our needs and decide what’s the next steps we need to take. Sometimes we need somebody to assist, sometimes we need some tools or strategies to help us, whatever it is, that’s all okay. After all, we’re just humans who can’t do everything all alone.
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Postscript
Well… after all, despite developing a habit of planning and scheduling, apparently I still often miss many things – including to forget to pay my website bills. It also teaches me that, whatever efforts I make, the results are sometimes different from what I expect. But it doesn’t mean that the effort itself is useless.
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As we often hear from time to time, what we can do is just to focus on the things we can control: our efforts, and just let go anything else that we can’t control: the outcome.
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So, yeah, thanks for reading this piece til the end. See ya on the next post! (Hopefully, I never forget to pay the bills again!)
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